Life with Aimee

This morning I heard one of my very favorite sounds: Aimee running water for her shower. It may not seem like a lot, but voluntary showering almost always means that she is going to school that day. (It does make sense; if you're having a bad day, why bother bathing?) Go to school she did. I caught the 2:45 bus from work to our house so that I could pick her up after school to take her to her orthodontist appointment. I never had braces, so I'm learning all about orthodontics. It's really quite interesting--who knew that your teeth had to line up more than one way? Of course, I can say that considering I'm not the one with metal in my mouth. I've also learned that the orthodontist is like a hair salon (or so I'm told): if you miss your appointment, you have to wait a month to get back in. It's crazy how you have to jump for any crappy appointment time. Middle of the day while you're supposed to be working and Aimee is supposed to be in all her hard classes? I'd love to.

After the orthodontist, Aimee opened her own savings account so she can start to establish residency out here. She now has $8 to her name. $3 I owed her because she paid for her bowling fee at school because I didn't have any cash. $5 was her allowance that I was supposed to give her on Sunday--which I didn't because she was supposed to clean the bathroom on Sunday, which--this will surprise you--didn't happen. She promised to do it sometime tonight, but at this point I'd rather she just go to bed. We turned off the TV at 9:20, so that was a victory. I now hear loud singing coming from upstairs. She's been serenading us all night with Queen's "Don't stop me now, I'm having a good time," complete with actions and funny pitches. It's hilarious. I have to admit: the house is not nearly as quiet since she came, but sometimes that is a very good thing because Scott and I can be very, very boring. Aimee is many things, but boring is not one of them.

She also had her counseling appointment today (this I have learned: get all doctors' appointments over with in one day; it wears you out, but at least you only have to leave work early one day a week). This time the counselor invited me in so we could all talk. He and Aimee still did most of the talking, but I learned a lot. He drew this triangle, and labeled the top with "beliefs/ideas," the bottom left corner with "feelings," and the bottom right corner with "behaviors." He's been teaching Aimee that our feelings come from ideas we have--whether they are true or actually just perceptions of truth--and that influences how we behave. So if we are having negative thoughts, then we feel bad, and then we do bad things, like not go to school--or yell at our little sister for feeling bad and then not going to school. It might seem rather obvious, but identifying how everything connects seems to help. He also explained the concept of fight or flight in terms of the nervous system and emotions. When we're facing physical danger, our heart beats faster, adrenaline kicks in, etc., preparing us to either run away from the danger or fight it. It takes only about five seconds to kick in, but it can take an hour or more for all the effects to go away once the danger is past.

Apparently, the same thing happens when we feel anxious or are facing an emotional danger--except this can be more confusing because we can't always see the danger, so we don't always know what's causing it. This is partly what is happening to Aimee. The other part is that everyone experiences different levels of stress and calmness throughout the day. But if you're already anxious, then normal stressors can trigger things like panic attacks, making it hard to face life all the time. He taught her that doing things like taking deep breaths and talking to me about what is bothering her--I was very glad to hear that--help stabilize the body and reduce anxiety. She is doing a lot better, way better than in VA, because she doesn't have as many stressors. Now he's going to help her identify exactly what is making her anxious so she can deal with it. I really want this to happen before she goes back to VA for the summer.

Then we came home, made dinner, and watched Gossip Girl--which I poo-pooed for the first two episodes because I couldn't tell the boys apart, but which now I'm totally hooked on. Can you believe it? Nate told Serena at the masked ball that he wasn't over her, even though he is dating Blair--but he accidentally confessed to Jenny! Meanwhile, Jenny's sister Dan is dating Serena when his old flame Vanessa comes back to NYC. Gasp! The writer's strike better end soon! (I believe I'm turning into a teenager--I can now identify songs by Chris Brown and Miley Cyrus.)