Divorce

I find myself with many thoughts on my mind at the moment. Why are there ants in my basement? Why do I never have time to take lunch at work? Why are my dad and his wife getting a divorce?

Actually, I know the answer to that last question. It is because they don't communicate well, they think the other person raises their kids the wrong way, and they just complain to other people about their problems rather than solving them together. Dad has complained about her for a long time--and lately that is all he has done. It is not fun when the only thing someone has to say to you is negative.

Now he is spreading his negativity around. He emails all us kids snarky comments about his marriage and his mood. I know divorce is not easy, but there are some things you shouldn't share with your kids. You should be the adult and handle things, not vent to your 15-year-old daughter (who has plenty of her own problems without feeling like she has to solve yours). This is making all of us, but especially the younger ones, very confused.

As I was waiting for the Internet to load up (why we pay for high-speed internet when our computer has so many other programs on it that it is still slow is another question I don't have the answer for), I was reading the Catholic newsletter that just came in the mail. It had a small section labeled "Divorce and U.S. Catholics." It said that 76% of Catholics view divorce as acceptable in some cases. My aunt and uncle, who are not Catholic but Baptist (and very strange, so it's hard to agree with anything they say), are trying to talk Dad out of divorce because they say it is not the Christian thing to do. But neither is belittling your marriage partner. Neither is complaining about other people. Neither is putting all your problems onto your kids. And neither is getting married just because you don't know how to live by yourself. You need to talk before you get married because people don't change--not at least without dialogue and a supportive partner. And by "talking" I mean more than one conversation. I mean about two years' worth of conversations, at the very least. And that is before you decide to get engaged.

I am most definitely not a fan of divorce, but I have to say that I am part of the 76% who are in favor of it in some cases. This is one of those cases (although they weren't married in the Church, so maybe it doesn't count in this survey). You have to really be married first. And you have to be willing to communicate and grow. And you can't just complain about the other person. I am very worried about my dad. It's taking him a long time to learn how to communicate with others--but mostly with himself. How can I send my sister back to someone who looks at the negative first and blames other people? And how do I tell my little sister that her own father might not be the best person to take care of her right now? And how can I do this and still show my dad that I love him? Ugh. I am tired.